黑夜给了我黑色的眼睛
我却用它寻找光明
I made a playlist for you, based on some of what you said the other day. It includes some songs that have meant a lot to me when I felt like I didn't know where my life was going.
I don't know whether you prefer YouTube or Spotify, so I made playlists on both:
πολύτροπος

Dear Janice,

Did you ever read the Odyssey? The opening lines have been translated many different ways, because they hinge on this word, polytropos, which has no direct translation. They describe Odysseus as “polytropos”, poly=many, tropos=turn. So it’s ambiguous: is Odysseus a man who has been turned around many times, by gods and monsters, as his return home, full of obstructions, might suggest? Or is Odysseus himself this cunning man who can turn any situation to his advantage, which is how he gets out of all those scrapes?

Translators have tried many versions: “tost to and fro by fate”, “of many fortunes”, “many a way/Wound with his wisdom”, “for wisdom’s various arts renown’d”, “skilled in all ways of contending”, “of twists and turns”. Or is “turn” more metaphorical? “many-sided man”, “of many changes”, “by long experience tried”. My favorite translation settles on: “complicated”:

Tell me about a complicated man.
Muse, tell me how he wandered and was lost
when he had wrecked the holy town of Troy,
and where he went, and who he met, the pain
he suffered in the storms at sea, and how
he worked to save his life and bring his men
back home. He failed to keep them safe; poor fools,
they ate the Sun God’s cattle, and the god
kept them from home. Now goddess, child of Zeus,
tell the old story for our modern times.
Find the beginning.

And when I think about you, the ways I know you, but more importantly the ways I don’t, I think that I would like to know the many sides of polytropos Janice, who has had twists and turns of fate, who turns every situation into a good one. Tell me about a complicated woman.

There’s another important thing about the Odyssey, and that is that while Odysseus is lost, his men have drowned, and the gods have kept him from home for ten years, he’s not a loser. He is still a hero, even when bad things happen to him and his situation is dire.

The modern attitude is that you want to be a winner, and if you aren’t winning, you’re losing. But no one would say Odysseus is a loser. Bad things can happen to good people. A good person might be turned off course, but a good person faces adversity bravely.

That thought is one that I have held on to over the years, especially when I dropped out, and during other difficult times. I wanted to share it with you, for I am, and always shall be,

Your friend,

Noah

nēdfrēond

Dear Janice,

Old English had a word, nēdfrēond or ‘need-friend’, someone who supports you in a time of trouble. I think that's somewhat lost in modern culture. We glorify individualism and self-sufficiency, we have a culture where you can buy whatever you need without bothering anyone else.

And of course it's nice to imagine having a need-friend, nice to reap the benefits. But that's only half of the story. It's also nice to be a need-friend — not just for the results, but for the act itself.

By analogy: I don't just work because I want to see the results. I don't just want to see people using my app. I also work because I enjoy programming itself. I like building the app, solving the problems, setting up the infrastructure.

When I think about you sitting in bed or in a wheelchair, in a little room with a mini-fridge, on the phone trying to get through to the right desk at the hospital, I think: I want to be your need-friend. Not just because it sucks to go through that alone. But because I want to actually do the work of helping. I want to send you food and help you schedule and go through insurance plan details.

And beyond that, I want to help you figure out what you want in life, help you with your job search, and whatever else you might face. Because I think that's not only a worthwhile end, but gratifying as an end in itself. Because I am, and always shall be,

Your friend,

Noah

everything stays
let's go to the garden you'll find something waiting right there where you left it lying on the ground when you finally find it you'll see how it's faded the underside is lighter when you turn it around everything stays right where you left it everything stays but it still changes ever so slightly daily and nightly in little ways when everything stays
always be back then
time is an illusion that helps things make sense so we're always living in the present tense it seems unforgiving when a good thing ends but you and i will always be back then you and i will always be back then singing~ will happen, happening, happened will happen, happening, happened, and there we are, again and again cuz you and i will always be back then if there were some amazing force outside of time to take us back to where we were and hang each moment up like pictures on the wall inside a billion tiny frames so that we could see it all - ll - ll it would look like… will happen, happening, happened will happen, happening, happened, and there we are again and again cuz you and i will always be back then you and i will be back then you and i will always be back then and so you and i will always be best friends

Dear Janice,

Ah, the agony of being not receiving responses over text. Of course my first thought is that you're ignoring me, which would be an entirely valid response, and even turnabout. But then I think, what a self-centered response.

Then I can't help but worry that something has happened to you. Some complication, some accident, and that would be far worse.

Geographically, you're the closest you've been in years, and yet I've never felt so far away from you. I just wish I could talk to you one more time.

As always, your friend,

Noah

top janice stories
  1. killing a cockroach with fire
  2. running through the junkyard
  3. walking into the teahouse display at the asian art museum
  4. your story about that shoe polish guy in shenzhen
  5. reading while waiting outside in line to your elementary school
  6. walking in to a random startup accelerator in shenzhen to ask about the startup ecosystem

(In case you've ever wondered what I really think of you.)

You know, one thing I still struggle with is interpretation. To me, these stories all paint a clear picture of someone who is decisive and unafraid, untrammelled by conventions and expectations. But on occasion when I've told these stories I've been surprised to hear people's responses: “random”, “weird”, “unruly”.

Actually, even just quoting those verbal responses is insufficient, because I still read those and think “wow those are descriptors of a cool person”. It's hard for me to even convey how skeptical these people were, because even in the moment that I was hearing the tone of their voice my immediate response would be “this person doesn't even understand what cool is; I'm here describing the coolest person in the world!”