Dear Janice,
Did you ever read the Odyssey? The opening lines have been translated many different ways, because they hinge on this word, polytropos, which has no direct translation. They describe Odysseus as “polytropos”, poly=many, tropos=turn. So it’s ambiguous: is Odysseus a man who has been turned around many times, by gods and monsters, as his return home, full of obstructions, might suggest? Or is Odysseus himself this cunning man who can turn any situation to his advantage, which is how he gets out of all those scrapes?
Translators have tried many versions: “tost to and fro by fate”, “of many fortunes”, “many a way/Wound with his wisdom”, “for wisdom’s various arts renown’d”, “skilled in all ways of contending”, “of twists and turns”. Or is “turn” more metaphorical? “many-sided man”, “of many changes”, “by long experience tried”. My favorite translation settles on: “complicated”:
And when I think about you, the ways I know you, but more importantly the ways I don’t, I think that I would like to know the many sides of polytropos Janice, who has had twists and turns of fate, who turns every situation into a good one. Tell me about a complicated woman.
There’s another important thing about the Odyssey, and that is that while Odysseus is lost, his men have drowned, and the gods have kept him from home for ten years, he’s not a loser. He is still a hero, even when bad things happen to him and his situation is dire.
The modern attitude is that you want to be a winner, and if you aren’t winning, you’re losing. But no one would say Odysseus is a loser. Bad things can happen to good people. A good person might be turned off course, but a good person faces adversity bravely.
That thought is one that I have held on to over the years, especially when I dropped out, and during other difficult times. I wanted to share it with you, for I am, and always shall be,
Your friend,
Noah
Dear Janice,
Old English had a word, nēdfrēond or ‘need-friend’, someone who supports you in a time of trouble. I think that's somewhat lost in modern culture. We glorify individualism and self-sufficiency, we have a culture where you can buy whatever you need without bothering anyone else.
And of course it's nice to imagine having a need-friend, nice to reap the benefits. But that's only half of the story. It's also nice to be a need-friend — not just for the results, but for the act itself.
By analogy: I don't just work because I want to see the results. I don't just want to see people using my app. I also work because I enjoy programming itself. I like building the app, solving the problems, setting up the infrastructure.
When I think about you sitting in bed or in a wheelchair, in a little room with a mini-fridge, on the phone trying to get through to the right desk at the hospital, I think: I want to be your need-friend. Not just because it sucks to go through that alone. But because I want to actually do the work of helping. I want to send you food and help you schedule and go through insurance plan details.
And beyond that, I want to help you figure out what you want in life, help you with your job search, and whatever else you might face. Because I think that's not only a worthwhile end, but gratifying as an end in itself. Because I am, and always shall be,
Your friend,
Noah
Dear Janice,
Ah, the agony of being not receiving responses over text. Of course my first thought is that you're ignoring me, which would be an entirely valid response, and even turnabout. But then I think, what a self-centered response.
Then I can't help but worry that something has happened to you. Some complication, some accident, and that would be far worse.
Geographically, you're the closest you've been in years, and yet I've never felt so far away from you. I just wish I could talk to you one more time.
As always, your friend,
Noah
(In case you've ever wondered what I really think of you.)
You know, one thing I still struggle with is interpretation. To me, these stories all paint a clear picture of someone who is decisive and unafraid, untrammelled by conventions and expectations. But on occasion when I've told these stories I've been surprised to hear people's responses: “random”, “weird”, “unruly”.
Actually, even just quoting those verbal responses is insufficient, because I still read those and think “wow those are descriptors of a cool person”. It's hard for me to even convey how skeptical these people were, because even in the moment that I was hearing the tone of their voice my immediate response would be “this person doesn't even understand what cool is; I'm here describing the coolest person in the world!”